Blue Ridge
Vocal Connection
It’s been an eventful week in my musical journey. I’m struck by the notion that while the physical apparatus of singing (i.e. vocal chords, throat, tongue, mouth, etc.) are vital, perhaps the ear and brain are even more important. By that specifically I mean the ability of the brain to process lots of information rapidly (i.e. the conductor’s cues, the musical score, and the lyrics) and the ear’s ability to transfer workable sound information to the brain. And the brain’s control of more subtle things like emotion and confidence, which I’m learning are hugely important.
At last week’s rehearsal, my mentor Joe had some nice things to say about the sounds coming out of my mouth. This is wholly reassuring and confidence-building. Weeks ago, I claimed that I couldn’t sing, a notion that those around me have worked to dispel. I CAN sing, I’ve been convinced; I just am only learning how. My new mantra is that I don’t like to hear myself sing, and thus I don’t sing, or haven’t, reflexively or habitually. I don’t sing in the shower; I don’t sing in the car.
I carried that notion the next day with my first private singing lesson with Rob, a friend and former world-class operatic singer who made a career headlining operas in the grand opera halls of Europe. When I mentioned to Rob that I hated the sound of my own voice, he said, “Lots of people do,” and then shrugged it off. He had me sing through some scales and he said nice things like, “You have good tone,” “You are able to hear key and know when you’re on and off key,” and my favorite, “You really don’t look or sound your age,” (70). He said lots of people find diminishing ability to sing as they get older. So he gave me some exercises to do and scheduled the next session.
Meanwhile, Blue Ridge Voral Connection performed at Warm Hearth, a local retirement community, and I sat it out. Yes, I had a prior conflict which gave me an excuse, but the real reason was that after only 6 weeks of participation, I simply didn’t feel ready. I was able to attend and spectate for most of it before having to depart for my other commitment and in hindsight probably could have participated. But I was still struggling in many areas and would have felt stressed, something I didn’t want. When still navigating from measure to measure and page to page, in real time, it’s hard to concentrate on tone and lyrics. I need more skills and more confidence before I want to sing before an audience. I don’t want to be the weak link in the group’s performances.
I found it more enjoyable to listen and learn. I was thoroughly impressed by the sounds those nice people that days earlier I’d sung with were making. I look forward to the day when I feel confident that my contributions will be positive and not overcome by the greater skills of those around me.
My musical journey continues.
Stay tuned.